But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
