Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
