Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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