Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
