I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
