I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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