Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
