if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
