I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
