We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The power of my boobs compel you
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
