i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
