Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I think I just sharted jello shots
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