I hate all girls vehemently.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
