in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
