mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
i think im in europe. pls send help
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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