Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
