I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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