so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
