i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
