well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
