i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
