So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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