Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
