May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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