I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize