My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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