I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
