I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
