she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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