I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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