vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
