ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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