Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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