so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We are two peas in an std pod
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
