Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
