I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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