I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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