I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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