I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize