my mouth tastes like poor choices
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
