Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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