My liver just broke up with me...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
