You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
