Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
