Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize