In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize
