she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
