It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
