Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
