Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
