I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize