There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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