I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
