I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
