I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
