The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
We named our party play list daddy issues
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
