cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
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