Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
