its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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