You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Randomize
