Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
