I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
