I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
