DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
