I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
